Unclear Destination

* We polish the Polish furniture.
* He could lead if he would get the lead out.
* A farm can produce produce.
* The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
* The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
* The present is a good time to present the present.
* At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
* The dove dove into the bushes.
* I did not object to the object.
* The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
* The bandage was wound around the wound.
* There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
* They were too close to the door to close it.
* The buck does funny things when the does are present.
* They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
* To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
* The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
* After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
* I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
* I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
* How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
* I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Having a bad day??

In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on; Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Having a Bad Day??

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day??

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

…Up until that moment, he had been happily listening to his new Walkman.

STILL think you’re having Bad Day??

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb, so it came back to him with “Return to Sender” stamped on it. Forgetting the envelope contained his own bomb, he opened it …and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?

Divert Your Course

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1994. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that’s one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.